Well, it’s currently 12:22 am on a Monday night/ Tuesday early morning (but who really cares?) It’s raining, feeling moody or whatever, so I got some shit going through my head.

I am scrolling through all my social media, like the millennial I hate to admit I am, going through the pattern of Instagram, Snapchat, Facebook then back to the top as if something had changed in the 5 minutes of mindless scrolling, when I came to a post from a good friend and our group of friends. Normally I wouldn’t think anything of it and just give it a like and move on but, this time I did not. This time I stopped and stared at my screen and felt like “wtf?”

Now, FOMO is not my thing. I am a homebody. I enjoy the comfort of my house and relaxing. But this time, I am sitting here wondering why I at least didn’t get the invite. I thought we were close. I guess not. But, then again I would not have joined. But the fact I wasn’t thought of kinda sucks. And unfortunately that happens to a lot of people. We’re in the same boat, or however the saying goes, but we feel forgotten, excluded, unimportant. But is it our own fault for not wanting to participate?

A little side note: I usually don’t end up going when I’m invited somewhere. Or I say yes and then make up an excuse and flake.

Maybe it’s anxiety, maybe that’s why I flake. Maybe that’s why people are fed up of asking. That must be why. It’s my fault. But somewhere deep down, I wanted to go. I want to have fun too! I want to make memories and be in that picture. But this time I wasn’t asked to go. My opportunity to decide was taken from me! Maybe this time would have been different. Maybe I finally had the balls to get ready and socialize. Sometimes I do! But I wasn’t invited. And when I comment “thanks for the invite. Lol” I get, “You’re always busy!” or “You never show up anyway” Well damn! How do you know that? But I mean actions speak louder than words so they say.

I guess I’ve always just been afraid. I am introverted. But my loved ones would say otherwise. But that’s just me. I like being safe. I like comfort. I shut myself out. I reject offers. I keep to myself. Yet I expect to be invited at all times. Ha! Yeah right. Not with my track record. And you know sometimes I do get the balls to go! But then when I’m there I instantly know why I stay home, I’m still left out. See I don’t know who Sara is dating now, I don’t know why the last relationship ended, I don’t know the latest story, I don’t know the latest inside joke. Well I wasn’t on the inside. And I’m pretty sure my constant “So wait what?” and “Who’s that?” and “What’s going on?” are pretty annoying and tedious and honestly slow the conversations down because half of it is spent catching me up. I feel like a burden. Like the new girl.

I know, I know, I need to hang out with them more. That way I know what’s going on but my point is, JUST KEEP INVITING ME UNTIL I DO! It’s nice to be at least thought of.

Ehh one day I’ll get over it and actually hang out with my homies more (when they decide to invite me) but until then I’ll keep scrolling and laying in my bed.

Later.